Week 3 NFL Power Rankings Are Out - Your Team Still Sucks and Why You Should Care Anyways

Written by: Rich Keister

Listen, fellas. If you're one of those guys glued to NFL Power Rankings as if they determine the fate of your fantasy football lineup, it’s time for a reality check. We’re three weeks into the season, and fans are already spiraling. You’d think we were handing out the Lombardi Trophy based on rankings alone. Spoiler alert: we’re not. But let's dive into why these rankings matter—because even if your team looks like it was assembled from a flag football league, there's still hope... kind of.

Rankings Are Just a Weekly Roast

The NFL Power Rankings are less about who’s going to win the Super Bowl and more about who had the least embarrassing Sunday. Case in point: The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who’ve somehow climbed the ladder to No. 3, despite all of us expecting them to be in the dumpster with Tom Brady’s retirement party leftovers. On the flip side, the Eagles are ranked No. 8 because, let’s face it, they’re as unpredictable as your buddy who swears he’s “cutting carbs” but always has a fuckin pizza in his hand (NBC Sports).

Josh Allen is the New 'MVP' (For Now)

If you’ve got Josh Allen on your fantasy team, congrats, you’re the king of the bar for at least another week. He’s already been declared the early MVP by the Power Rankings, as if we haven’t seen quarterbacks crash and burn faster than every TikTok fad. Don’t get too cozy, Buffalo fans. One slip-up, and Allen could be throwing picks like Oprah hands out cars (NBC Sports).

Is Your Team “Elite” or Just Lucky?

Some teams, like the Houston Texans, are flying under the radar, sitting pretty at No. 5. Don’t get too excited. These rankings change faster than a Kardashian’s marriage status. Your team might be on top one week, but next week, you could be staring down a loss to a team whose QB can’t find the end zone with a map. These weekly rankings? They're mostly a clickbait cocktail designed to make us feel like maybe, just maybe, our team won’t ruin our Sunday again.

The Dodgers Can Buy a World Series—Why Can’t Your Team Buy a Win?

Meanwhile, over in MLB, the Dodgers spent a casual billion dollars on Shohei Ohtani and Yoshinobu Yamamoto to all but guarantee a World Series win. So why can’t the NFL work like that? Easy answer: parity. The NFL is like that high school teacher who never handed out A's. If you want to stay on top, you’ve got to earn it every week. Which means no amount of money can stop your QB from accidentally spiking the ball instead of kneeling it at the end of the half (we see you, Denver) (Front Office Sports) (NBC Sports).

At the End of the Day, Just Enjoy the Ride (or Misery)

Here’s the deal. The Power Rankings are like a Tinder profile—completely misleading, yet strangely addicting. So, whether you’re a Chiefs fan feeling smug, a Cowboys fan filled with false hope (again), or a Commanders fan like me, whose praying for a miracle, just remember: it’s a long season. Strap in, crack a cold one, and get ready for more ups and downs than Aaron Rodgers’ Achilles rehab updates.

At Don’t Half Ass Anything, we don’t care if your team is ranked No. 1 or No. 32. Just don’t half-ass your support or your coaching. Keep it light, keep it tight. Your team needs you more than ever, right now.