If You Lost Big on Your NFL Bet This Week, Just Remember: So Did the Cowboys

Written by: Rich Keister

Ah, the NFL season—a glorious time where hope springs eternal, until about 12:45 PM on Sunday when your bets start crumbling faster than the Cowboys' playoff chances. If you’re feeling the sting of a lost bet, don’t worry, you’re in good company. America’s Team has been losing important games for decades—half-assing their way through the playoffs like they're allergic to success. But let’s be real: half-assing it is what the Cowboys do best.

Betting on the Cowboys Is Like Betting on Your Friend’s Pyramid Scheme

Look, betting on the Cowboys is like investing in your college roommate’s pyramid scheme: it sounds like a great idea at first—"this could finally be the year!"—but the minute you’re in, you realize you've been duped into a well-dressed scam. Remember when your buddy swore he'd make you rich with essential oils? Yeah, betting on Dallas to cover the spread feels just like that—except instead of smelling like lavender, it reeks of missed field goals and wasted talent.

The real lesson here is this: if you’re gonna gamble, don’t half-ass it. You wouldn’t go into a poker game with Monopoly money, so why bet your hard-earned cash on a team that peaks in Week 5? At least your roommate’s pyramid scheme came with bath bombs.

The Hot Take: Betting Against Your Own Team Is the New Self-Care

Listen, we all want to root for our team. We love them, we cheer for them, we buy their overpriced merch. But when it comes to betting, don’t be a hero. Sometimes the smartest play is to bet against the team you love, and if you’re a Cowboys fan, this might be your best move yet.

Let’s face it: every season, Dallas fans start with the same energy—“This is our year!”—before realizing they’ve basically enrolled in an emotional roller coaster operated by Jerry Jones, a man who looks like he’s slowly morphing into an oil painting of himself. Betting against them is like taking out an emotional insurance policy—sure, they might win, but if they lose, at least your bank account is safe.

Every NFL Sunday Is a Reality Show—And The Cowboys Are Pretty Much the Real Housewives of Dallas

Think of the NFL season like a Bachelor episode, and the Cowboys are that one guy who keeps getting roses for the drama. They won’t win, but they’ll stick around long enough to make you question your life choices every week. You know the guy: always talking a big game, making flashy plays (thanks, Dak and Zeke), but when it comes down to it, you’re left screaming at the screen like, “WHY IS HE STILL HERE?”

The thing is, it doesn’t matter how flashy the team looks on paper—betting on the Cowboys is like putting your money on that drama king to win the whole season. Spoiler: he never does. And while you’re holding your head in your hands after they blow another lead, the Cowboys are just out here surviving the season for the storyline.

Jerry Jones: The Ultimate Gambler Who Just Can't Cash Out

Let’s talk about Jerry Jones, the mastermind behind the most elaborate sports gamble of all time. Jerry is like that guy at the blackjack table who refuses to walk away, even though the dealer’s been cleaning him out for years. He’ll throw money at the problem—$160 million for Dak, $90 million for Zeke—hoping to hit the jackpot, but all he’s really doing is extending his losing streak. Watching Jerry run the Cowboys is like watching someone play Madden on Rookie mode but still find a way to lose.

Here’s a hot take: Jerry Jones is the ultimate example of half-assing success. He’s always almost there, but never willing to make the hard decisions—like hiring a head coach who’s more than just a “yes man” with a decent clipboard twirl.

Gambling PSA: Don't Half Ass Your Bets - Unless You're Betting aagainst Dallas

So here’s your PSA, brought to you by the Don’t Half-Ass Anything movement: don’t BET like the Cowboys PLAY. Half-assing your bets is like ordering a Diet Coke with your double cheeseburger—it feels responsible, but it’s not gonna save you. Go all in, or don’t go at all.

Parlay all your teams, or walk away. Bet like you're Jerry Jones with oil money and nothing to lose. Just don’t half ass it by betting on a team that’s allergic to clutch moments. And if you’re going to lose, at least lose spectacularly…

The Final Takeaway: Be Like a Mahomes Fan, Not a Cowboys Fan

At the end of the day, the only surefire bet in the NFL is that Patrick Mahomes will do something magical, and the Cowboys will leave you disappointed. So here’s what you should do next time you sit down with your sportsbook app: channel your inner Mahomes fan. Bet with full confidence, knowing that at least one man out there won’t let you down. Unlike the Cowboys, he’s not just here for the drama—he’s here for the hardware.

Because at Don’t Half-Ass Anything, we believe in going big or going home. Just don’t go home like the Cowboys—wondering how, once again, your team managed to fumble their chances at an honorable win.