Bet the Mortgage on the Chiefs? Here’s Why Patrick Mahomes is Still the Only Safe Bet

Written by: Chuck ‘Deadbolt’ Davis

If you’ve been throwing down NFL bets this season, odds are you’ve already been burned more times than the Cowboys in the playoffs. Maybe you bet big on the Packers because you thought Jordan Love was the next Aaron Rodgers (he’s not), or maybe you figured the Jets could pull it together with a 40-year-old quarterback. But when it comes to keeping your wallet safe, there’s only one bet that will let you sleep easy at night: Patrick Mahomes. In the swirling madness of the NFL, betting on Mahomes is like betting that the sun will rise tomorrow—it’s inevitable.

Mahomes: The NFL’s Cheat Code

Let’s get this straight: Patrick Mahomes isn’t just a quarterback; he’s the NFL’s human cheat code. You know that one friend who plays video games but always picks the most overpowered character? That’s Mahomes. Give him impossible situations, a collapsing pocket, or a receiving corps with hands made of butter, and he’ll still drop a 40-yard bomb like he’s playing Madden on easy mode.

When you bet on Mahomes, it’s not a question of if you’re going to win, but by how much. This guy could be playing behind an offensive line that was assembled with IKEA instructions and missing half the screws, and he’d still lead a game-winning drive. Betting on him isn’t just smart—it’s a no-brainer. It’s like betting on gravity. If Mahomes doesn’t deliver, it’s not on you—it’s on the universe.

Other Quarterbacks? Good Luck

Sure, Mahomes isn’t the only quarterback in the league, but if you’re betting on anyone else, you’re basically asking for heartburn. Let’s take a quick look at your other options:

• Josh Allen: The guy looks like he was built in a lab, but every other week he plays like a malfunctioning robot. One minute, he’s launching 60-yard missiles, and the next he’s doing something so bizarre that his coach is checking the sideline for glitches in the Matrix. Betting on Allen is fun until he tanks your entire Sunday with a red zone interception.
• Lamar Jackson: Electric, dynamic, unstoppable—when he’s healthy. Betting on Lamar is like riding a rollercoaster that breaks down half the time. It’s thrilling when it works, but most of the time you’re stuck hanging upside down, wondering why it breaks down every time you jump on.. Sorry Erickson Family
• Joe Burrow: Joe B is smooth, but if you’re betting on Burrow with that O-line, you might as well be betting on a toddler to carry fine china through a minefield. He’s got potential, but he’s one blindside hit away from ending up in a full-body cast.

In contrast, Mahomes is the guy who makes broken plays look like highlights on ESPN’s Top 10. He’s the quarterback who makes throwing no-look passes while parallel to the ground look routine. Betting on him is like betting that water will stay wet. The other quarterbacks are a scratch-off ticket; Mahomes is your 401(k).

The Mahomes Effect: How Chaos Feeds His Greatness

Patrick Mahomes isn’t just good—he thrives in chaos. When everything around him crumbles, he gets better. The man turns a collapsing pocket into a one-man Cirque du Soleil routine. Other quarterbacks would crumble if their O-line collapsed faster than a Jenga tower in a hurricane, but Mahomes uses it as an opportunity to create magic. His parallel-to-the-ground pass in the Super Bowl wasn’t just luck; it was the football equivalent of Picasso painting while blindfolded.

Honestly, betting on Mahomes isn’t betting—it’s making a financially sound decision. The man could play with his eyes closed, and you’d still feel good about putting your life savings on the Chiefs. If you’re not betting on Mahomes, you’re basically betting against the laws of physics.

Andy Reid: The Mastermind Behind the Curtain

Let’s not forget the guy behind the magic—Andy Reid, the NFL’s resident offensive genius. Reid’s playbook is so deep and complex that even NASA consults him when they need help navigating spacecrafts. He’s the guy who dreams up trick plays so wild they make opposing defenses look like they’re trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube with no hands.

Betting on Mahomes also means betting on Reid, and that’s a good thing. Reid doesn’t half-ass his play-calling, and that’s why Mahomes looks like a magician on the field. Together, they’re the most reliable duo in football—like peanut butter and jelly, only they’re out here scoring 40 points on defenses that are still trying to figure out the last play.

The Mortgage Bet: Why Mahomes is the Surest Thing in the NFL

Let’s be real: betting your mortgage on an NFL game sounds like something you’d do during a midlife crisis, but when it’s Mahomes? You’re practically investing. The Chiefs are as close to a sure thing as it gets in this league. You’ve gambled on far worse things in life, like that time you tried to “fix” your own plumbing after watching two YouTube tutorials.

Mahomes is the closest thing to a guarantee you’ll ever find in the NFL. Even when the defense plays like they’ve taken Ambien, and his wide receivers have hands made of stone, Mahomes still pulls out the win. Honestly, betting against him is like betting against air—good luck breathing if you lose.

The Final Takeaway: Don’t Half-Ass Your Bets — Don’t Fade Mahomes

At Don’t Half-Ass Anything, we believe in betting smart, betting bold, and never doing things halfway. If you’re going to risk it all, don’t put your money on some backup QB who’ll be benched by Week 4. Bet on the guy who’s rewriting the NFL every Sunday, the one who turns broken plays into touchdown highlights and makes your sportsbook account look like a lottery winner.

Mahomes doesn’t half-ass his game, and neither should you. So, next time you’re staring at the sportsbook app, wondering who to bet on, remember: bet your mortgage on Mahomes. If you lose? Well, that’s a sign the universe is breaking down, and that’s not on you.